I Unlearned the Need to Be the Smartest Person in the Room

Growing up in Nairobi I had been the clever one from early enough that the label had become structural - not just something people said about me but a core part of how I understood what I was and what I was worth.

I got through school and university on the currency of that identity with an efficiency that, in retrospect, I was also protected by: I was rarely in a room where I was not near the top, which meant the identity was never seriously tested and I never developed any particular resilience for the experience of being outclassed.

At 25, I joined a technology company in its early growth phase that had hired people who were, in several specific ways, significantly more capable than me at things I had previously been the best person at in whatever room I occupied. The first three months were a sustained and private crisis.

I was not failing - I was performing adequately and in some areas well. But I was no longer the most capable person in the room and I had not known until that moment how much of my sense of self had been resting on that position.

The experience produced two things simultaneously: a genuine threat to the identity I had been operating with, and an environment of challenge and learning that was more stimulating than anything I had previously been part of.

I was learning at a rate I had not achieved since early secondary school because I was genuinely behind rather than consistently ahead. The recalibration of my identity took time and was not entirely comfortable.

What emerged from it was a sense of self that was more durable than the previous one because it was not conditional on being the best in a given room.

I started finding genuine pleasure in being around people who were better than me at things - their capability was a resource rather than a threat. I became a better collaborator because I was no longer managing the subtle competition that exists when you are operating from a need to be seen as the smartest.

I became a better learner because the ego that had previously managed how I engaged with information - never admitting full ignorance, always framing questions to imply partial knowledge - had relaxed enough to allow genuine curiosity. At 32 the rooms I seek out are ones where I am not the most capable person present.

That is a complete reversal of the instinct I had at 25.